For 20 long years I journeyed thru infertility. The treatments were very expensive, stressful, and time consuming. Dealing with Infertility puts a strain on marriages, relationships, self-esteem, your body. Your emotional and spiritual perspective are affected. Your outlook on life in general. The internal hopelessness and depression become a daily struggle. The smile on your face is a mask in many moments to hide your aching heart, and your fear of never having your own family and lineage. It is primal instinct to procreate and pass our life, our love onto our children. To know at the end of our days that our life had mattered. We feel that we will live thru our children as they carry our legacy and memory. It is a natural circle of life and living this human experience. This is all that matters in the end. Not fame nor fortune but knowing we mattered and will leave a trace of our being here through our own children or at least some contribution to the world.
The questions to myself is how could I achieve all of my dreams, succeed in my career and relationships, and yet becoming pregnant and having a family did not happen. The natural birthright for all woman was eluding me. Why ? How could there be so many other woman getting pregnant easily, by accident…not even wanting children, aborting them, abandoning them. Why was God with holding this blessing from me. Was I being punished, was I cursed. I tried to be a good person. All I ever wanted was to be a Mother. It seemed like a cruel joke. Why could I not have it all. This and so many questions would spin in my mind…and the misguided, well meaning, and inquiring comments of others felt at times, like salt on my open wounds.
So after 10 years of this struggle, my personal goal became to free myself of any and all hindrances to becoming a Mother. For you replace mother with health, being married, or in a relationship, succeed, have financial freedom.
I have read enough miracle stories that defied logic or science. For me I had to learn the principles and systems, about the mind and body connection. Whether I got pregnant or not, I had to try every avenue and leave no stone unturned to accept and find peace whatever outcome was destined for me. I studied and searched within and without. Then in the quiet….
My heart heard my babies whisper…We are here don’t give up ! …….I felt their presence with me and that fueled my quest.
Finally after a 20 year experience with infertility. Multiple tests, 10 of those years undergoing extensive medical intervention, intrusion, and procedures…i.e. fertility drugs, injections and 9 IVF’s. Many failures and disappointments, frustration, questions and doubts. Gut wrenching soul searching. I was classified as unexplained infertility. They did not know why. I had nothing tangible to blame it on, to fix. This to some degree gave me hope that there was something I could do. So Continuing on with my husband’s support, even though I heard many times to stop and just adopt from medical staff and family. I did not quit. I could not give up until I held my babies in my arms. Perhaps my imagination or call me delusional but I felt my childrens presence to keep going. This was the catalyst that encouraged me to continue, climb this mountain.
I finally achieved two successful pregnancies delivering a boy and three years later a girl. Thru changing my vibration and perception I birthed these babies from Heaven to earth thru my heart and then in the natural. Co-creation in the highest form…from mind to manifestation. Hope, focus and action. But everything we desire has to be birthed through our hearts.
For me it was not just relaxing, drinking a glass of wine, take a vacation, or forget about it. Been there done that…did NOT work for me. For me dealing with 20 years of infertility was a quest asked of me, my souls journey to a larger perspective and perception to become more than just a mother.
So after a long hiatus being a Mother, I knew the story of my past struggle and awareness could have meaning and so I built this platform to support other women that are presently on their own journey. I reveal what I needed to do into programs based on the principals, mindset and energy resonance that led to my becoming a Mother and beyond.…..What I had to do which was necessary, the awareness I had to achieve if I was to ever succeed and have children, or accept willingly and go on with my life as a happy and whole person, and be at peace.
This 20 year struggle taught me many mindset and energy practices to use. Not just for Infertility but to apply in any circumstance. Helping me also to plan and build my dream home.
As a side note my Doctor went on to write a book to help patients understand the medical procedures and what to expect during infertility treatment. After I delivered my daughter he asked if I would allow his co-writer to interview me about the emotional process and mindset to use throughout the book to encourage other women. Working with Dr Kenigsberg and his staff for 6 years had inspired them. His heart and Mind considered that as the medical procedures advance, to increase success ; the mind, emotions and body must be in alignment when treating his patients. He wanted to pass that message on to other women to include as part of the process. The Baby Solution is currently sold on Amazon.com. (Click the book in the sidebar for info).
Now I have a son and a daughter. I am a Mama. The sting of dealing with Infertility is gone ! They are my living reminders, every time I struggle with whatever it is, I just have to look at my kids and say…you can do this too…pheeesh piece of cake.
Besides being a Mother, my life mission has expanded to reach as many people as possible with my insights. My teaching is a combination of spirituality, ancient wisdom, awareness of energy, Harmonic energy management, common sense, simple psychology and practical steps , nutrition, unique insights, at times a kick in the pants and a New York sense of humor. My joy is mentoring, teaching woman these success principles, perspectives and mindsets.
As a Life DeZigner, I support, mentor and create a safe healing space for others so they too can obtain the Riches and Richness of life by eliminating their self-imposed spiritual blocks and mindsets. Raise their vibration to release quickly and naturally. I believe abundance in all areas of life can be obtained. I desire to bring awareness by sharing my personal experiences and unique insight to those that want to learn. How to deZign a life you love and can live with. To happen to life and not have Life happen to you. To experience a life free of limitations, fertile, abundant and filled with possibility, promise and peace.
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